this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
