I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
