he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You dont lie about slip and slides
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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