just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The air was thick with penises
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
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