when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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