THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
