How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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