cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
