the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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