I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
