Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
She is in my trunk
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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