Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
