i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
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then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
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Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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