thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
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I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
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I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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