this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
