everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
