Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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