I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
false alarm. still invincible.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize