I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
