we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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