did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You took a bar mat shot.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
