I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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