I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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