No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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