i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
