Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
tequila makes me forget i have legs
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
