I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
