Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
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