New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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