Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
