Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
