jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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