Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
