Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Randomize
