Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
