She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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