Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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