the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
