Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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