Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
