Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
