it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
