if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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