we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
