I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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