Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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