Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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