It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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