I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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