It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
