Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
