nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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