Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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