I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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