new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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