dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
