All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
