I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize