do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
